How can God love us?

coz in the beginning, we were created to walk with Him. It’s His desire. as sinful as we are, it still is His desire for us to walk with Him

I drafted this post on 20 Oct 07, more than a year ago. It was inspired by a comment made by a gd fren in Christ. Hope it blesses ur heart! Cheers~

Sticky situation

In the past year, I have been in a great dilemma. A part of me desired to go left, another part contemplated going right. I may have taken baby steps to the left or right occasionally, but ultimately, after 1 year, I still find myself close to the middle, UNCHANGED.

Have you been in a similar situation before? Or maybe you are in one right now! This undecidedness has caused much distress in me. There are times when I just break down and cry at my own plight. Other times I am just furious with myself for being so weak. Why can’t I just choose left or right and walk on that path without turning back? Why does the grass have to look greener on the other side? Am I greedy? Or am I just in fear?

In times like this, I pray to God for direction. I pray that He make the choice glaringly obvious so I wouldn’t have to be in pain. God, in His supernatural ways, DO answer my prayers. He tugs at my heart, showing me how going left is gonna be painful and stupid, and how going right is sweet and promising. But maybe I am naturally rebellious, I try to debate with God, try to convince Him that maybe going left ain’t that bad afterall. Maybe I have decided from the start that I WANT to go left. Thus when He tells me to go right, I get angry at God. I ask Him why must He want me to do something I do not want to do?

A friend once told me that God will never force us to do something we do not like. This kept me thinking… Many prophets in the pass were martyed. Surely they didn’t like to die right? Or maybe they did yearn to die for Christ? Argh~ this is all too complicating!!

Christ laid down His life for us, thus we should also lay down our lives for Him. To die is gain, to live is Christ. These are familiar words we hear in church. But it is these exact words that I find it difficult to obey. May He grant me the strength to choose and live wisely. I pray that one day I could blog on how God transformed me into a self-dying Christian.

Reason to be Furious

In this blog, many posts are triggered by a sudden surge of emotions I experience, most of which I interpret as God-intended. This following post is one of them, but unique in the sense that i am uncertain WHY i feel emotional. Even as I type these words, I’m perplexed by the feelings I am experiencing. Let me try to explain…

Mrs J’s elderly mother went for a simple operation but ended up hospitalized and in a worst condition after leaving the operation theatre. The surgeon had accidentally poked into the wrong vein. Mrs J’s mother was in pain after the failed operation, but being the gentle lady she is, did not harbour any bitter feelings towards the surgeon.

Upon knowledge of her mother’s failed operation, Mrs. J was furious and wrote a complaint letter to the CEO of the hospital, and cced the Health Ministry of the country. This resulted in extra care and attention given to Mrs. J’s mother by the hospital staff, and the surgeon seeking immediate consultation with Mrs. J’s family.

Mrs. J did not turn up at the scheduled meeting with the surgeon, saying that she’s busy. Mrs. J’s father praised her intelligence.

Upon hearing this story, I, for some odd reason, became furious! Somehow I feel that what Mrs. J did was very wrong. I am trying to rationalize my feelings of anger.

Maybe I generally do not like Mrs. J, thus anything she does I will feel that it’s wrong. Maybe I am a hospital staff myself and thus empathize more with the staff. Maybe I feel that Mrs. J was being too extreme in her actions and was not showing compassion towards the surgeon. Maybe I feel that Mrs. J is a hypocrite cos on the surface it seems like she cares for her mother, while in actual fact she does not; For if she really cared, she would have RESPECTED her mother’s opinion to rest the matter; For if she really cared, she would have spent more time with her mother instead of using it to complain about others; For if she really cared, she would have been there to hear the surgeon’s explanation on what went wrong so that she would be better informed to decide on what subsequent actions will be better for her mother. Maybe I feel that Mrs. J merely saw an opportunity to show-off her wit and did it at the expense of the surgeon’s and the hospital’s reputation. Maybe I felt extra furious cos Mrs. J got what she set out to achieve, recognition of her power and intelligence. THAT IS SO WRONG. Maybe I feel that God is unfair in rewarding Mrs. J for the wrong she did. Maybe what I feel is jealousy.

Do you know why I am furious?

Gifts from God

Today I came across a video. Check it out at

The video shows two men who adopted a baby lion cub who was abandoned, cramped, and lonely in a cage. They took care of him like a pet and exercised him in the church compound. But soon the cub was to big for their flat and they had to re-introduce it to Africa, which they did. After some years, they wanted to visit their pet, but were told that the cub was now a full grown lion, and wild. Undaunted, they went to search for the lion in Africa and after days of searching, they finally found him. When the men and lion met, they recognized each other immediately and the lion ran towards the men and hugged them!!!

Tears were streaming down my face when I saw the scene when they reunited after years of seperation. I was amazed at how they could remember each other, and even more amazed that the men had taught the lion love. I was touched by their love for each other and it really taught me that nothing is impossible and true love knows no boundaries.

If you read the bible, there are incidences whereby man and lion interact, and God allows the human to emerge unharmed after periods of close contact with lions. I always wondered how that is possible, but after seeing this video, maybe they were having fun together!! Our God is amazing la, what can I say..

Going back to Him

In my absence, a friend teasingly asked whether I stopped blogging because my days with God has ended? My answer is no! But I confess that for a long period, I was spiritually down and drifting further and further away from Him. But praise GOd! Here I am again! Back and Alive and ready to burn!

The noises of this world has deafened me to the voice of God, until His voice became strange and unfamiliar. Slowly I forgot how to speak to Him, how to hear His voice, how to seek His face. There were times when I have a sudden urge to find Him, but get clouded by distractions of the world. I am guilty of all this. I am sorry.

I felt lost, guilty, confused, frustrated, disappointed, hurt… but I was unaware. But no, not God, He perfectly knew what was happening to me. I’m amazed by how He knows me much much much more than I know myself, and how He is fixing my problems even before I knew I had them!!

I just want to thank God. That’s all. Praise Him! Praise Him! Praise Him! 

To you who is finding it hard to seek God, take heart, He is working on bringing you close to Him. Remember this: Jesus died so we could be close to God. THAT’S how important He views your relationship with Him. 🙂

A boy who sings

In December 2006, a boy approached me with questions about Jesus Christ. He shared with me about his grandmother who was terminally ill in hospital. An urging from the Holy Spirit found me in the waiting room for visitors to the ICU (Intensive Care Unit) at NUH. It was there where I first caught a glimpse of Andy Phillip.

Indeed, as he had sung in his song ‘A Year After’, Andy is a quiet boy whose ‘love was never loud’. I remembered him with his head deep in his bible, always reading while he waited. I remembered him by his grandmother’s bedside, praying quietly to God. But little did I know that this boy had a great talent in music. Praise God that a year after his grandmother’s death and his life as a Christian, Andy Phillip have realised his first online EP. 🙂

His opening song – ‘A Year After’ was written to commemorate his deceased granny. He sang about how he misses her. This song reminded me of various people who were once there in my life, people who were once very important to me, even people who once meant the world to me. However, these people are no longer around. The closeness we once enjoyed is lost. I miss them, just as Andy misses his granny.

Andy’s next song – ‘A New Creation’ follows nicely after ‘A Year After’. Although the lost of a loved one is painful, but God took care of it. In Jesus, we are a new creation.

“You’ve brought me out of darkness, into Your light; Now I leave my past behind.”

And even as I am a new creation in Christ, leaving my past hurts and pains behind me, God continue to teach me how to be this ‘New Creation’ – by resting my faith in Him. Coincidentally, Andy sung about exactly that in ‘In You I Rest My Faith’. The chorus really touched me.

Lord, as I run this race
Fix my eyes on Your face
Your love remains the same
Nothing can replace

Lord, as I run this race
Fix my eyes on Your face
Never will I be afraid
In You I rest my faith

To sum in all up, Andy Phillip ended strongly with ‘A simple faith’. Personally, these four songs have blessed me greatly, even bringing tears to my eyes as they remind me of the relationship I am able to share with Christ. I believe Andy must have put in great effort, prayer, and thought in producing these songs. I believe the words and notes were Spirit-breathed. I thank God for granting me the pleasure of witnessing the transformation and growth of Andy Phillip – a boy who sings.

Check out Andy Phillip’s online EP at www.myspace.com/7notesmystery
 

step up 2

The movie started with a very meaningful opening sentence, which goes something like this:

Do not fear, do not give up. Just be yourself, because life’s too short to be anybody else.

That was the recurring theme of the movie – to be yourself.

Recently I’ve been thinking about the difference between an imitator and a creator. An imitator is one who pretends to be someone else, who follows very closely to the mannerism of another person. A creator is one who makes something out of nothing, who produces something new, something authentic and different.

God is THE creator. He made all things, including you and me. But you and me were created in His image. Thus, if we are imitations of God (who has the ability to create), does that mean that we too are creators?

I believe that since we were created in the image of He who is the creator, we too have been given the ability to create. However, what we create is inspired by God. Therefore, not everyone can create, but only he who is gifted.

I confess that many a times I am an imitator. Even when I do my assignment, I read many articles and draw my ideas from the works of others. Sometimes I compile and organize other people’s works and call it my own. I study how other people do it, and follow suit. But isn’t this part of learning? To learn from the experiences of others? Doesn’t all creation result from trial and error and learning from other? What do you think?

Married to God

24th March 2008, I finally finished reading the book ‘Lady in Waiting: Developing Your Love Relationships’. I embarked on a journey of self-development and transformation about one month ago. I had eagerly looked forward to reading this book and was thrilled when my friend passed it to me for reading. I had prayed before I started reading for God to speak to me through this book and transform me into the Lady He intended me to be. Praise God for answering my prayers. So here I am to share my experience.

The book pin-pointed my weaknesses and flaws. It spoke right into my heart, revealing the dirt in me and showing what I needed to do to clear away the dust. Some of these imperfections are insecurity and discontentment. I realized how these weaknesses in me had caused problems in my past relationships. Thus, I realized how important it is for God to fully develop me before allowing me to enter into a relationship.

The emphasis have shifted away from looking for the guy to developing myself. The focus is now on becoming His glorious Princess, waiting for His perfect timing for my beauty to be revealed.

The book also described the benchmark we as Princesses of God should set for our Knight in Shining Armour. It taught me to look for qualities extolled in the bible and avoid men with weaknesses detested by God. Indeed, now I see much more in a man than his outward appearance. Attraction have shifted from worldly characteristics to Godly ones. The book also pointed out that God also needed to work on my Knight, just as He needs to work on me, before we can come together. Therefore, I rest in faith on His perfect plan at His perfect timing.

Above all, the last chapter touched me the most. In a previous post I had described all that God meant to me. For e.g., I had said that God is my counsellor, my healer, my Father etc. But now, God has revealed another side of Him to me:

God is also my HUSBAND.

WOW~ what a revelation! As if that is not awesome enough, the book went on the describe how God is the PERFECT HUSBAND. I’d like to share directly off the book on this point. Words in brown are reasons ‘Why I want to get married’, while words in purple are words from the bible on ‘How God can meet those needs in my life’.

By Beverly Seward Brandon

Why do I want to get married? How can God meet those needs in my life? 

I want to be loved. “… I have loved you with an everlasting love…” (Jer 31:3)

I want someone to adore me. The king has brought me into his chambers to adore me. My lover is outstanding among 10,000 (see Song 1:4; 5:10)

I want someone to hold my hand. “… I will uphold you with My righteous right hand” (Is 41:10)

I want to be accepted and valued. I am accepted in the Beloved (see Eph. 1:6 KJV)

I want a “place,” a nesting place that is my own to create and use. We can rest in the shadow of the Almighty (see Ps 91:1)

I want help in my days of trouble. “Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I shall rescue you…” (Ps 50:15)

I want to share my life – the joys and the struggles – with one person (intimacy). God will share with me the treasures of darkness and hidden riches (see Is 45:3)

I want a champion of my causes – one who is willing to fight for me. “The Lord will fight for you…” (Ex 14:14)

I want someone to meet my needs. God is meeting all my needs (see Phil 4:19)

I want intimacy. The Lord is intimate with the upright (see Ps 140:13)

I want someone to help me in my life. There is no one like God who rides the heavens to help you (see Deut 33:26)

I want to walk through life sustained and carried. I don’t want the whole load of life. Even to my old age, God will sustain me, carry me, and rescue me (see Is 46:4)

I want a companion for this life. God invites us to humbly walk with Him (see Mic 6:8)

I desire children. God gives us spiritual children like the numberless grains of sands if we invest in lives (see Is 48:19)

Being single is a tremendous blessing as I have the freedom, personal time and space to do things for God, without being bound by the duties of marriage or a family. Thus, my single friends out there, make the most out of your single life to develop yourself and work for God!

Sexual Harassment

Last night I had a terrifying experience. I was walking along a dark secluded path alone when this motorist rode pass by. He took a glimpse at me and he started to trail me. At first I thought he was going to rob me as I was holding a huge bag. There was quite some money inside so naturally I was more worried about my money. 😛

The motorist stopped at the dark alley in front of me and got down from his bike. I thought to myself, ‘Oh no, he’s gonna rob me!’ I was terrified. I don’t know what I was thinking but I walked straight into that dark alley. I tried to stay on the other side of the road, and I walked really quickly. As I walked pass him, I was glad he didn’t seem to be approaching me for my bag. But to my horror, he was making funny noises. Let’s just say that they were sexually suggestive noises. I was even more terrified than before.

I started praying to God for protection and I didn’t dare to look his way. I had a feeling he was taking off his pants or something. I just walked as quickly as my legs would carry me. Thank God I managed to walk out of that dark alley!

As I walked into a more well-lighted area, I thought my nightmare was over. But very soon, I heard the sound of his motorbike again. I was really scared. I took out my handphone and pretended to be calling someone. That kind of turned him away. I looked at the road ahead of me and to my dismay, it was yet another darker and longer alley. I dare not walk into that place with the man trailing near me. So I decided to take a longer route, but a well-lit one.

The man rode off into the dark alley, and again I thought my nightmare was over. I stopped pretending to talk on the phone and walked quickly towards my destination. As I turned that corner, I caught a glimpse of him and his motorbike again! Although there was light, the whole street was empty. I was terrified.

As I walked past him yet another time, my heart was racing. This time, he was very bold. He tried to approach me, and he asked me again and again whether I wanted to have sex with him! I pretended not to hear, and I dare not look towards his direction at all. I just walked and walked and walked. And I prayed and prayed and prayed in my heart for this nightmare to end. I was so scared he would rape me or something. Thank God I managed to reach a street where there were at least some people around.

I looked ahead and saw another stretch of lonely street. My heart was racing by now, and I just wanted to run all the way back towards my destination. I must have walked really quickly because I did manage to reach my destination before he caught up with me again.

As I walked in, I gave thanks to God. Finally I am safe.

That night, I had no peace. I kept picturing the dark alleys and his shadow in the corner. I kept hearing the strange noises he made and his voice asking me for sex. This must be the most horrifying sexual harassment I have encountered. I couldn’t fall asleep that night. I was really scared.

As I was lying in bed, I was really thankful that I was safe at home. Secure, and untouchable. I thought about many girls who are homeless, and many others who have been sexually abused. I could not imagine how they managed to cope with the trauma.

I learnt my lesson. I will NEVER walk alone into a dark alley again. Next time I will get someone to accompany me, or wait in a crowded place until someone comes to get me. This time round, I just wanted to make things easier for others, thus I decided to walk alone. Next time, I know it is much more wise to have someone with me, even if it means that I have to trouble them.

I wasn’t even wearing revealing clothing or anything seductive. I was wearing a long-sleeve shirt and jeans and ballet flats. I’m so thankful I wasn’t in my dress or heels. It is incidents like this that make me thankful to God for not making me too beautiful. It is times like this that I actually am very grateful for my ugliness.

I want to advice all my female friends to always protect yourself. Don’t wear seductive clothing, don’t go out at night alone, don’t go to dark places or empty streets. Always have your phone handy and use it to scare your predators away. And whatever you do, don’t entertain your predators, don’t look at them, don’t listen to a word they say. Ignore them for any action or reaction from your part may turn them on even more. If you know someone is trailing you, always head for the place with bright lights and more people.

I was a total fool for not calling for help. I didn’t even tell anyone about my horrifying experience, until now. I don’t want people to be worried. Anyway I am safe for now. Thank God for that. A lady prayed for my safety a few days ago. I think it was that prayer that kept me safe. Please continue to pray for protection over me and pray that I can get over the trauma soon.

God Tube

A Christian brother of mine have been sending me great video clips from this website called GodTube. Its the Christian version of YouTube.

I have been blessed by it so much I’ve decided to sign up as a member, and watch random videos frequently. The videos on GodTube makes me fall in love with God more and more, moving me to tears on countless occasions.  I’ve attached a link on my blogroll. Please take a look at it and be touched by God!